with your own penis?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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