I bet he comes in French.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
