in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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