I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
