We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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