where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
