There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
