So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
