My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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