All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
