Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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