They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I stole a fireplace last night.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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