Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
