Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
