so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
