you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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