Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You smell like stripper and shame
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
