i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
