Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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