Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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