I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
