i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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