remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
