Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
