At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
