problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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