I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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