Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
