You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
