i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
