coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
