I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
