This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
