I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i out mim tonsoeep
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