if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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