You don't have asthma, your pregnant
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
