I want to stick my p in your. b.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
