her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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