go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
