if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
