Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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