Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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