What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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