i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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