is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
