I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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