dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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