I just pynch a tree in the face
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
