i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I supernannyed him into submission
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
