Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
