I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
