I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
