i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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