Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She just used a chaser for red wine.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
