Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
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