We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
