he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
