Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
