It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
