You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
